@Yi Xue, it’s heartwrenching for me to read your experience — the frustrations and stuckness of being pushed out no matter how hard you tried and no matter how good you were at your job. What impressed me is your stoicism and bravery of giving your best shot, even though it turned out that “no amount of ‘leaning in’ was going to change things.” Those shots you made have become encouragement for all of us who look like you — not only to make career and life choices based on what you have learned, particularly the reality of the glass ceiling and the illusion of much of Corporate America’s DEI effort, but also to accept ourselves and our own heritage without feeling like we have to blend in and belong. Most importantly, the spirit with which you worked your way up the corporate ladder can be applied to whatever we put our heart in. Thank you for offering your long view and hard-earned wisdom.
This was both beautiful and painful to read - thank you so much for sharing your experiences, Yi. I'm a first-generation immigrant woman and though my career is primarily in startups rather than corporate, I drew many parallels. Please continue sharing stories like this!
What a piece Yi, so many resonant themes… I saw myself in each of those vignettes
I honestly wonder how many women, especially immigrants and women of color, have been told to “work on their executive presence”. When I had heard that enough I asked for specifics: lo and behold the person reviewing me couldn’t come up with a single incident or task to be improved on.
Moreover… how many white men have been told to “work on their executive presence”? That number will probably be pretty depressing…
Thank you for having the courage to share your story, Yi 🫶 I feel so seen through your words. So many of your experiences are so familiar!
One story stands out to me: I stepped into my manager’s role after she quit. I had only started 3 months prior. I took on her responsibilities quickly and effectively. The executives I worked with agreed and told my Director they wanted me in the role permanently. This was also the first time I advocated for myself. I went in nervous but excited. And my Director immediately shut me down. She said I couldn’t skip a level despite me already doing the work and not getting compensated for it. She didn’t even consider promoting me to the next role. I always wondered how that might have played out differently if I was a different sex or race.
I’ve always found myself to be a slam dunk for roles below me but no one ever advocated or believed in me to be or do more despite all the compliments.
These experiences certainly didn’t lend themselves to making the case to stay in the corporate world after I had my first child. And honestly I’ve never been happier or more at peace. Thank you again for helping me feel less alone 🫶
This was great. I resonate deeply even though I’m supposed to be what “fits in”. I always felt like an alien in big companies. I wonder if the people staying in these large organizations are even “making it” but rather just willing to give up more parts of themselves. Excited to follow future writing.
This feels so close to understanding the underlying problem of capitalism and the necessity for worker solidarity, and yet it doesn't quite get there, instead substituting class analysis for an abstract "system".
Excellent article. I have experienced the same treatment. It took another minority woman in a senior position to promote me, after years of training others to positions above my level. Looking back, I've learned a lot by just observing and listening. Being a female in a largely male dominated industry is a double-edge sword. If colleagues are older, they tend to protect me. If equal in age, or younger, there's an unspoken competition. If I'm at a level above them, intimidation is the game. To be fair, these experiences have, impacted me negatively, but I've also had to learn boundaries, grace and forgiveness go a long way in healing. There are many great former and current people that help and not hurt or hinder. And to be fair, we are all flawed. God knows I've made mistakes along the way and pray I'm forgiven.
You succinctly and successfully put us through the paces of your long corporate career. As an Asian you had another mark against you, as other minorities, I would argue, have stereotypes that could actually work in their favor. Asians, on the other hand, are seen as subservient, quiet, background workers; we're not seen as leaders.
I remember when the popular TV show ER was on, and my brother pointed out that a HOSPITAL in CHICAGO didn't have one Asian doctor? We're very much relegated to "sidekick" unless it's a Kung Fu film or story. But I get it, Americans are primarily seen and represented as white, even black, as American black culture is arguably one of America's greatest exports. Hello, K-Pop.
Even though I didn't work in corporate America, I worked plenty of temp office jobs -- but as an English teacher in Asia, I understand I'm not the face of English or America, despite the fact that I was born and raised in the US.
But I can relate to your attitude of looking back at the younger you, and being proud of how long you worked and thrived under pressure cooker conditions. The other side of it is we can never know of the positive impact we might have had, too. So good on you for being that "double minority" who pushed against stereotypes and preconceived notions of who we are.
I'm a white anglo-saxon male. I'm an immigrant, but I'm a Brit, so I essentially get a free pass there. I wasted 17 years of my life trying to fit into the mad-men culture of 80s corporate America and quit for good in 1990 to work for myself. With a corporation as a client and a main contact who, like you, is an Asian immigrant woman, I've seen this play out. I just sent her a link to this piece.
The patriarchy serves a tiny few but has managed to dupe many into playing along.
I've always suspected the DEI happy-talk is just do much BS. I agree that participating only strengthens the toxic system. This sort of desired social change should NOT be put in the foreground & crowed over as progress. That invites hypocrisy, which the left excels at by definition. The same sort of inclusivity happy talk BS happens in racial terms, & blacks steer clear of it, knowing how diametrically opposite the truth of it all is.
Excellent piece, full of insight and wisdom. I'm a speech and presentation coach for career women, and I work with groups in private companies and occasionally in corporate America. I've heard many corporate women ask, "How the hell do we solve 'The Golf Problem'?". The fact is that corporate systems are not designed by women for women to succeed, and many women are refusing to take it anymore! It's been wonderful over the last few years to see so many women and people of color leaving to form their own companies. I hope that they will be able to create healthy work ecosystems where everyone can thrive.
I also left a toxic work environment in 2022, after a 40-year career in a harshly male world. I have mixed feelings about whether it's better to leave early or to try to swim upstream to change the system from within -- which is just as exhausting and demoralizing as it sounds, and yes, that swimming fish dies at the end, LOL. Related, I just started reading Legacy, by Dr. Uche Blackstock, which makes many of the same points about toxic systems, in her case, medicine.
@Yi Xue, it’s heartwrenching for me to read your experience — the frustrations and stuckness of being pushed out no matter how hard you tried and no matter how good you were at your job. What impressed me is your stoicism and bravery of giving your best shot, even though it turned out that “no amount of ‘leaning in’ was going to change things.” Those shots you made have become encouragement for all of us who look like you — not only to make career and life choices based on what you have learned, particularly the reality of the glass ceiling and the illusion of much of Corporate America’s DEI effort, but also to accept ourselves and our own heritage without feeling like we have to blend in and belong. Most importantly, the spirit with which you worked your way up the corporate ladder can be applied to whatever we put our heart in. Thank you for offering your long view and hard-earned wisdom.
This was both beautiful and painful to read - thank you so much for sharing your experiences, Yi. I'm a first-generation immigrant woman and though my career is primarily in startups rather than corporate, I drew many parallels. Please continue sharing stories like this!
What a piece Yi, so many resonant themes… I saw myself in each of those vignettes
I honestly wonder how many women, especially immigrants and women of color, have been told to “work on their executive presence”. When I had heard that enough I asked for specifics: lo and behold the person reviewing me couldn’t come up with a single incident or task to be improved on.
Moreover… how many white men have been told to “work on their executive presence”? That number will probably be pretty depressing…
Thank you for having the courage to share your story, Yi 🫶 I feel so seen through your words. So many of your experiences are so familiar!
One story stands out to me: I stepped into my manager’s role after she quit. I had only started 3 months prior. I took on her responsibilities quickly and effectively. The executives I worked with agreed and told my Director they wanted me in the role permanently. This was also the first time I advocated for myself. I went in nervous but excited. And my Director immediately shut me down. She said I couldn’t skip a level despite me already doing the work and not getting compensated for it. She didn’t even consider promoting me to the next role. I always wondered how that might have played out differently if I was a different sex or race.
I’ve always found myself to be a slam dunk for roles below me but no one ever advocated or believed in me to be or do more despite all the compliments.
These experiences certainly didn’t lend themselves to making the case to stay in the corporate world after I had my first child. And honestly I’ve never been happier or more at peace. Thank you again for helping me feel less alone 🫶
What a powerful post, Yi Xue. ❤️ Thanks for sharing.
This was great. I resonate deeply even though I’m supposed to be what “fits in”. I always felt like an alien in big companies. I wonder if the people staying in these large organizations are even “making it” but rather just willing to give up more parts of themselves. Excited to follow future writing.
This feels so close to understanding the underlying problem of capitalism and the necessity for worker solidarity, and yet it doesn't quite get there, instead substituting class analysis for an abstract "system".
Excellent article. I have experienced the same treatment. It took another minority woman in a senior position to promote me, after years of training others to positions above my level. Looking back, I've learned a lot by just observing and listening. Being a female in a largely male dominated industry is a double-edge sword. If colleagues are older, they tend to protect me. If equal in age, or younger, there's an unspoken competition. If I'm at a level above them, intimidation is the game. To be fair, these experiences have, impacted me negatively, but I've also had to learn boundaries, grace and forgiveness go a long way in healing. There are many great former and current people that help and not hurt or hinder. And to be fair, we are all flawed. God knows I've made mistakes along the way and pray I'm forgiven.
You succinctly and successfully put us through the paces of your long corporate career. As an Asian you had another mark against you, as other minorities, I would argue, have stereotypes that could actually work in their favor. Asians, on the other hand, are seen as subservient, quiet, background workers; we're not seen as leaders.
I remember when the popular TV show ER was on, and my brother pointed out that a HOSPITAL in CHICAGO didn't have one Asian doctor? We're very much relegated to "sidekick" unless it's a Kung Fu film or story. But I get it, Americans are primarily seen and represented as white, even black, as American black culture is arguably one of America's greatest exports. Hello, K-Pop.
Even though I didn't work in corporate America, I worked plenty of temp office jobs -- but as an English teacher in Asia, I understand I'm not the face of English or America, despite the fact that I was born and raised in the US.
But I can relate to your attitude of looking back at the younger you, and being proud of how long you worked and thrived under pressure cooker conditions. The other side of it is we can never know of the positive impact we might have had, too. So good on you for being that "double minority" who pushed against stereotypes and preconceived notions of who we are.
I'm a white anglo-saxon male. I'm an immigrant, but I'm a Brit, so I essentially get a free pass there. I wasted 17 years of my life trying to fit into the mad-men culture of 80s corporate America and quit for good in 1990 to work for myself. With a corporation as a client and a main contact who, like you, is an Asian immigrant woman, I've seen this play out. I just sent her a link to this piece.
The patriarchy serves a tiny few but has managed to dupe many into playing along.
Thank you.
I've always suspected the DEI happy-talk is just do much BS. I agree that participating only strengthens the toxic system. This sort of desired social change should NOT be put in the foreground & crowed over as progress. That invites hypocrisy, which the left excels at by definition. The same sort of inclusivity happy talk BS happens in racial terms, & blacks steer clear of it, knowing how diametrically opposite the truth of it all is.
Excellent piece, full of insight and wisdom. I'm a speech and presentation coach for career women, and I work with groups in private companies and occasionally in corporate America. I've heard many corporate women ask, "How the hell do we solve 'The Golf Problem'?". The fact is that corporate systems are not designed by women for women to succeed, and many women are refusing to take it anymore! It's been wonderful over the last few years to see so many women and people of color leaving to form their own companies. I hope that they will be able to create healthy work ecosystems where everyone can thrive.
I also left a toxic work environment in 2022, after a 40-year career in a harshly male world. I have mixed feelings about whether it's better to leave early or to try to swim upstream to change the system from within -- which is just as exhausting and demoralizing as it sounds, and yes, that swimming fish dies at the end, LOL. Related, I just started reading Legacy, by Dr. Uche Blackstock, which makes many of the same points about toxic systems, in her case, medicine.
This is so good, Yi and Sara.