🙏🏻💘🙏🏻💘Yet another beautiful essay that I feel you wrote just for me!! Every line had so much resonance to me. I read it the first time last week, but I was waiting for a quiet moment to read it again and really appreciate it. Took a while because I’m making a television show and drowning in work stress, just like I was when I was 27 and crying in the stairwell at the Chicago Reader, thinking I didn’t really have it in me to be an editor and that the best thing about my job was that when people asked me what I did, I could say out loud that I was an editor at the Reader, and they would always be impressed.
Thank you, Gina! That means so much to me! Especially because we appear to be in a weird substack event where everyone is losing followers. So it helps to hear from people I like and respect and see that … it’s not me.
I really enjoyed this piece. I’ve been struggling with artistic/professional confidence myself lately and it’s definitely hard to strike the right balance between remaining committed to your interests and letting go of outcomes you can’t control. I read the Consolation of Philosophy many years ago, and I found how it put the idea of fame or recognition in context to be helpful. It’s very limited to your location, time, circle of people, etc., and will all soon be forgotten. I should go back and read it again.
Perfectly balanced and thoughtful as always. I've been recently struggling with ambition vs. equanimity in the specific context of "getting better at meditation", and I also concluded that a bit of ambition (but not too much) is healthy: https://emptysqua.re/blog/speak-up-if-youre-stuck-in-a-zazen-rut/
I moved to a mountain. High elevation equates with survival of the fittest. Suddenly, the company you keep is Bambi and friends, turkeys foraging, a bear who won’t leave your peaches alone, and an influx of mice in the house when winter comes. Socialization? Maybe. Achievement? Making a good cup of coffee when the power goes out.
If there ever was an anti-Madison Ave survival course, this is it. I am cured. Everything I am and have been all sits at peace within, ready to be tapped the next time it may be useful in some way. Writing has made it all useful.
Nothing really matters. Everything lies within our experiences regardless of what people think of them or not. There is no more job market for the people we are or were. Evaluating ourselves against those paradigms is useless.
Bravo on a great post. It got me to write this all down, as I probably needed to by now, before I forget all of it—those feelings—completely. This way we know how far we have come.
equanimity is powerful and a necessary thing to live a happy life of course. But also, the ability to strive is not merely an aesthetic choice, it's a thing that is necessary. A homeless person who is slowly withering away is done very little good by being told to let go of their desire. This is a big part of why, despite finding many useful ideas in Buddhism and in writers like Watts or Eckel's work, I still hold to the necessity of Agon (struggle) as as a virtue concept:
I'm in my 30s, and I struggle with being okay with my lack of ambition. My old boss would ask me what my career goals were and I was so embarrassed to admit that I'm just happy to take whatever comes next. I do have some goals for myself, but I suppose I feel that seeking recognition and status from others (however much I might crave it) is a hollow game. Not everyone will get it either, the very definition of status implies a hierarchy.
However, I do agree with Burkeman's sentiment of "There exists another, very different sort of productive action: the kind you take not because you feel you have to, in order to feel OK, but precisely because you understand that you don’t have to." THAT seems like a better, healthier kind of ambition to foster.
Thank you for this piece, Sara! I think about this A LOT! I like ambition because it does give me a sense of purpose and helps me organize my thinking/direct me, but I rarely feel fulfilled by actual achievements. I appreciate your perspective and incorporating other people’s. Gives me more to think about.
Another thoughtful post! I go back and forth on the desire for ambition, especially as I started to realize "achievement" doesn't end -- the rungs just keep on going. The little dopamine hits of success at each rung are fun, but short-lived. (And it often means managing people, and I do not want to manage people. People aren't for managing.)
What's helped me the most is putting myself in charge of what I define as success (it helps to have well-honed self-compassion before defining success), and letting that be decoupled from capitalism. My idea of ambition is so different from, say, Sheryl Sandberg. I'll never give a shit about "leaning in" because in her version, what I'd be leaning into is profoundly corporate, boring and patriarchal. I'm all about leaning into hiking, creating art, etc, and earning enough money to afford that and be OK in retirement.
That all said, I definitely grapple with wanting to be seen within the creative spaces I inhabit! That's definitely where the status thing does start to kick in.
As a lifelong overachiever (and a longtime Buddhist, of course), I really appreciate this. It always comes back to the Middle Path, I guess, as boring as that is. :)
I dreamed of a life in publishing and I worked at a small press for over ten years, leaving as EIC. I dreamed of a freelance life in publishing so my hubby and I could travel on our boat, and I've had it for over a decade. I dreamed of being a published author and now I am. I love my life but still I struggle with this: have I truly accomplished enough?
Of course like everyone else, I want to be noticed - it's something I have grappled with most of my adult life; having dropped out of one segment I'm only too impatient to become famous in another - clubs, groups, companies, whatever the organisation, there is a requirement to be seen, and I can see now that it's not always a bad thing, if one is at least aware of the nonsense of it all. We are humans.
🙏🏻💘🙏🏻💘Yet another beautiful essay that I feel you wrote just for me!! Every line had so much resonance to me. I read it the first time last week, but I was waiting for a quiet moment to read it again and really appreciate it. Took a while because I’m making a television show and drowning in work stress, just like I was when I was 27 and crying in the stairwell at the Chicago Reader, thinking I didn’t really have it in me to be an editor and that the best thing about my job was that when people asked me what I did, I could say out loud that I was an editor at the Reader, and they would always be impressed.
Thank you, Gina! That means so much to me! Especially because we appear to be in a weird substack event where everyone is losing followers. So it helps to hear from people I like and respect and see that … it’s not me.
I didn’t know about the weirdness! That sucks.
Yeah, it’s a drag. I always assumed the enshitification of substack would happen eventually, but was hoping not this soon!
I am not on here a ton, but it does feel to a bit different to me lately! I can't put my finger on it.
I really enjoyed this piece. I’ve been struggling with artistic/professional confidence myself lately and it’s definitely hard to strike the right balance between remaining committed to your interests and letting go of outcomes you can’t control. I read the Consolation of Philosophy many years ago, and I found how it put the idea of fame or recognition in context to be helpful. It’s very limited to your location, time, circle of people, etc., and will all soon be forgotten. I should go back and read it again.
Oh I loved that book. Thanks for reminding me about it!
Perfectly balanced and thoughtful as always. I've been recently struggling with ambition vs. equanimity in the specific context of "getting better at meditation", and I also concluded that a bit of ambition (but not too much) is healthy: https://emptysqua.re/blog/speak-up-if-youre-stuck-in-a-zazen-rut/
Thanks, Jesse! And yes feeling ambitious about meditation is sticky for me too!
I moved to a mountain. High elevation equates with survival of the fittest. Suddenly, the company you keep is Bambi and friends, turkeys foraging, a bear who won’t leave your peaches alone, and an influx of mice in the house when winter comes. Socialization? Maybe. Achievement? Making a good cup of coffee when the power goes out.
If there ever was an anti-Madison Ave survival course, this is it. I am cured. Everything I am and have been all sits at peace within, ready to be tapped the next time it may be useful in some way. Writing has made it all useful.
Nothing really matters. Everything lies within our experiences regardless of what people think of them or not. There is no more job market for the people we are or were. Evaluating ourselves against those paradigms is useless.
Bravo on a great post. It got me to write this all down, as I probably needed to by now, before I forget all of it—those feelings—completely. This way we know how far we have come.
Wow, love this!
Sometimes the best way is to invert the model. Everything is all better!
You’ve posed fundamental questions with such elegance and poignancy. This spoke to me deeply.
Thank you so much!
equanimity is powerful and a necessary thing to live a happy life of course. But also, the ability to strive is not merely an aesthetic choice, it's a thing that is necessary. A homeless person who is slowly withering away is done very little good by being told to let go of their desire. This is a big part of why, despite finding many useful ideas in Buddhism and in writers like Watts or Eckel's work, I still hold to the necessity of Agon (struggle) as as a virtue concept:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agonism
I'm in my 30s, and I struggle with being okay with my lack of ambition. My old boss would ask me what my career goals were and I was so embarrassed to admit that I'm just happy to take whatever comes next. I do have some goals for myself, but I suppose I feel that seeking recognition and status from others (however much I might crave it) is a hollow game. Not everyone will get it either, the very definition of status implies a hierarchy.
However, I do agree with Burkeman's sentiment of "There exists another, very different sort of productive action: the kind you take not because you feel you have to, in order to feel OK, but precisely because you understand that you don’t have to." THAT seems like a better, healthier kind of ambition to foster.
Being happy to take what’s next seems like a great way to live!
Great piece, Sara! Appreciate the message and the seamless weaving in of multiple perspectives. Thanks for writing!
Thanks, Sarah!
Thank you for this piece, Sara! I think about this A LOT! I like ambition because it does give me a sense of purpose and helps me organize my thinking/direct me, but I rarely feel fulfilled by actual achievements. I appreciate your perspective and incorporating other people’s. Gives me more to think about.
Thanks so much, Alyson!
Another thoughtful post! I go back and forth on the desire for ambition, especially as I started to realize "achievement" doesn't end -- the rungs just keep on going. The little dopamine hits of success at each rung are fun, but short-lived. (And it often means managing people, and I do not want to manage people. People aren't for managing.)
What's helped me the most is putting myself in charge of what I define as success (it helps to have well-honed self-compassion before defining success), and letting that be decoupled from capitalism. My idea of ambition is so different from, say, Sheryl Sandberg. I'll never give a shit about "leaning in" because in her version, what I'd be leaning into is profoundly corporate, boring and patriarchal. I'm all about leaning into hiking, creating art, etc, and earning enough money to afford that and be OK in retirement.
That all said, I definitely grapple with wanting to be seen within the creative spaces I inhabit! That's definitely where the status thing does start to kick in.
Thanks for this. And yes an endless struggle but defining the terms is key.
As a lifelong overachiever (and a longtime Buddhist, of course), I really appreciate this. It always comes back to the Middle Path, I guess, as boring as that is. :)
Thanks! And so true, the middle path is always it, and yet I always forget that!
I dreamed of a life in publishing and I worked at a small press for over ten years, leaving as EIC. I dreamed of a freelance life in publishing so my hubby and I could travel on our boat, and I've had it for over a decade. I dreamed of being a published author and now I am. I love my life but still I struggle with this: have I truly accomplished enough?
Interesting, even though you’ve done so much!
Carrot-chasing is where it is at.
Of course like everyone else, I want to be noticed - it's something I have grappled with most of my adult life; having dropped out of one segment I'm only too impatient to become famous in another - clubs, groups, companies, whatever the organisation, there is a requirement to be seen, and I can see now that it's not always a bad thing, if one is at least aware of the nonsense of it all. We are humans.
Truth!