20 Comments

Also imminently relatable. Convinced that housing costs are part of this, I often browse the real estate markets of rust belt cities - current favorites being Buffalo and Evansville - imaging an easier life.

Working in academics, I have a profound kind of security that most will never have (certainly my kids) and that 1) has me feeling worse, and 2) has me thinking "I need to save for them now too". Because what kind of life will they have.

I appreciate that your piece goes, but doesn't end there, because although I think the cost of housing concerns are real (no, I mean REAL), I think a bigger part really is existential.

Thank you for sharing.

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Thanks for this. I definitely think housing costs are a stand-in for everything that is just so punishingly expensive (college costs, health care) in a way that it wasn't when we, and our parents, were younger. And it's compounded by the freelance brain virus that infects those of us without benefits, pensions, vacation, or sick days--you feel like all those present and future costs are squarely on your own shoulders, and, rational or not, you fear that every day off digs a hole. So what feels like an existential worry is supported and in some cases manufactured by that precarity we all live in. And if you tend to worry generally (hi, me) it's not a system that supports calm.

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I am an adjunct living on poverty wages at two of the most expensive universities in this country. I have the exact opposite experience in terms of security in academia, but I get your point and agree with Caitlin's comment below, that housing costs are just one more indicator of the wealth gap in this country. Every decision I make is about fear of losing basic needs, but especially healthcare.

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Yes - adjunct life is incredibly difficult. and systemically broken. The institution as an organization really sucks ever once of your labor for value.

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Growing up poor and being self-employed means the precarity is almost inevitable. And a super power! It keeps us solvent.

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I love that you call it a super power. What a wonderful way to frame it: the resilience it taught us. I sometimes tell my husband I'd be fine to live on beans if we had to, I'm used to it! (also, beans are delicious.)

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...and healthy!

In my case, I think it's also related to my neurodivergence. Some of us have the ability to imagine all the worst-case scenarios - and plan for them! I'll call that a superpower too.

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It is! I have some of that worst-case thinking. (my husband has called me his "apocalyptic darling.") It's a superpower but also exhausting.

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Ain't that the truth. I've learned to make peace with it.

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Very relatable. I think also that people become even more ambitious when they live in LA. You become more and more determined to succeed, to get a piece of the pie. I love that you realized what was happening and that you found the strength and courage to say no to that project and prioritized spending time with your stepson. Wonderful!

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I'm glad you related to the piece. I know that, for people in our business, long hours are the norm, and we find ourselves internalizing that grind culture without questioning what it's cost us. And thanks for the nod to my fortitude to say no to a gig. It was hard!

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I'm sure! And it's so true--long hours! The work ethic here is strong. I have single friends who looked up after 20 years of working almost 24/7 and suddenly wish they were married with a family...

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This is my favorite piece of writing in 2023. I have shared widely with friends, knowing that Caitlin's words will resonate.

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I feel like a couple paragraphs were ripped out of my head, having some very similar experiences. Thank you for sharing, certainly very relatable. I was hoping that pandemic would teach the industry a lesson, that there needs to be a work/life balance yet the strikes and mergers have shown they prod companies can get away with less. Let’s hope this turns around for all of us.

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I appreciate your note! I do feel that, while lots of people feel insecure in this world with no safety net, it's particularly pointed in our industry. No security, and an expectation that we'll give everything we have, because we're lucky to have fulfilled our dreams. It sets up a doom loop inside our own heads.

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💘 💘💘

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This is wonderful! Time to just be is everything.

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Time to be, and take walks, and dream.

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Still working as an “independent contractor” at age 76 so def relate! But your piece inspired me to book a trip to Cabo. 🤣

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I relate to your question from a different perspective. Twenty years ago, I walked away from my job as editor-in-chief of a magazine. I have a small pension but my earning power is much less than I expected. As the author of two memoirs, many articles and Substack with a smattering of paid subscribers, I’m writing at the top of my game and find deep satisfaction in connecting with readers. I love my life and often wonder, at 74, if I can afford to go on living it for as long as nature might allow.

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