Thank you for writing this timely piece. Freedom is being comfortable in your own skin. I have experienced the lack of respect, the slights, the subtle 'not wanted here' attacks. They are horrible and cruel. Being accepted by others is good, but until I could accept myself as is, these 'attacks' were constant. I truly believe that these "yucky" experiences are there to help me grow, learn, or at very least see progress. Forgiving others and myself, is like exhaling after being on the edge of a cliff. What's funny is that we can be so hard on ourselves, but never treat ourselves with kindness and gentleness. Just expressing your feelings conquers them. Sometimes talking helps, other times it's a deep dive to heal those buried hurts. Either way, being honest with ourselves about why it hurts will bring clarity, some pain, akin to cleaning out a infected wound and eventually health. In my opinion.
I loved this. Thank you for bringing language to this work.
The parable about the monk placing his head in the demon's mouth — what an image.
I went through a significant change at work last year, receiving way more responsibility and decision-making authority. After one year on the job, I realized, wow, this job has been hell on my mental health. Learning how to care about what deserves care (people's livelihoods, their flourishing, my own health and sanity) and what deserves neglect (random drive-by criticism from unengaged grumps) is an very active frontier of work. Your meditation group sounds like a lovely resource. So many of us would benefit from having something similar.
Oh, how I relate to this. I don't know that I have mastered living with demons, but I do know that I am aware when they are sending me through the roof. I have noticed that in recent years, when I am overcome with the demons in such ways that they are spilling over to affect the mood in the house, I'm able to tell my husband: "this is what is happening, this is what is bothering me, this is in the family of things that make me absolutely crazy and therefore I am absolutely crazy, and it's likely that tomorrow I will not be like this." Is it wisdom? At least it is progress.
And I do very much endorse listening to what the agitation is telling you. What changes do I need to make, if I am perpetually pushed into turmoil? And sometimes I think, if you didn't feel the agitation, if you were serene in every circumstance, then you wouldn't be able to make the changes and growth that you need. In that way I guess I sort of welcome, at times, the demon hordes.
Definitely wisdom, and progress! So great that you can step out of the situation and let people know ... "it's not you." (sorry!) And I agree, the spinning isn't ALWAYS useful, but sometimes!
Great article Sara. One of the few pleasures of being in your 60s is that you (at least I) really embrace not caring about nearly everything that used to burn up a stupid amount of time in my life. I care about a very few things (teaching and music) and it's quite liberating. Hope you are well and safe. Georgia
Thanks, Georgia! So true, the older we get the better we are at knowing what to give a crap about! Thanks so much for subscribing--hope you are well too!
Thank you for writing this timely piece. Freedom is being comfortable in your own skin. I have experienced the lack of respect, the slights, the subtle 'not wanted here' attacks. They are horrible and cruel. Being accepted by others is good, but until I could accept myself as is, these 'attacks' were constant. I truly believe that these "yucky" experiences are there to help me grow, learn, or at very least see progress. Forgiving others and myself, is like exhaling after being on the edge of a cliff. What's funny is that we can be so hard on ourselves, but never treat ourselves with kindness and gentleness. Just expressing your feelings conquers them. Sometimes talking helps, other times it's a deep dive to heal those buried hurts. Either way, being honest with ourselves about why it hurts will bring clarity, some pain, akin to cleaning out a infected wound and eventually health. In my opinion.
Thanks, Irma. Here here!
I loved this. Thank you for bringing language to this work.
The parable about the monk placing his head in the demon's mouth — what an image.
I went through a significant change at work last year, receiving way more responsibility and decision-making authority. After one year on the job, I realized, wow, this job has been hell on my mental health. Learning how to care about what deserves care (people's livelihoods, their flourishing, my own health and sanity) and what deserves neglect (random drive-by criticism from unengaged grumps) is an very active frontier of work. Your meditation group sounds like a lovely resource. So many of us would benefit from having something similar.
Thank you, Carissa! It so true, being able to accurately identify what to listen to and what to ignore is SO important. And by the way, there are a lot of great meditation groups out there that are by-donation only--no need to pay for an app: https://www.spiritrock.org/online-sangha-list?fbclid=IwAR2wWSiIDpsjW6J7CLXePAmgK_zSO8H64tVPZbakHJzcogKE6NLafgx_LAs
Wow! What a helpful link! Thank you, thank you.
Oh, how I relate to this. I don't know that I have mastered living with demons, but I do know that I am aware when they are sending me through the roof. I have noticed that in recent years, when I am overcome with the demons in such ways that they are spilling over to affect the mood in the house, I'm able to tell my husband: "this is what is happening, this is what is bothering me, this is in the family of things that make me absolutely crazy and therefore I am absolutely crazy, and it's likely that tomorrow I will not be like this." Is it wisdom? At least it is progress.
And I do very much endorse listening to what the agitation is telling you. What changes do I need to make, if I am perpetually pushed into turmoil? And sometimes I think, if you didn't feel the agitation, if you were serene in every circumstance, then you wouldn't be able to make the changes and growth that you need. In that way I guess I sort of welcome, at times, the demon hordes.
Definitely wisdom, and progress! So great that you can step out of the situation and let people know ... "it's not you." (sorry!) And I agree, the spinning isn't ALWAYS useful, but sometimes!
Great article Sara. One of the few pleasures of being in your 60s is that you (at least I) really embrace not caring about nearly everything that used to burn up a stupid amount of time in my life. I care about a very few things (teaching and music) and it's quite liberating. Hope you are well and safe. Georgia
Thanks, Georgia! So true, the older we get the better we are at knowing what to give a crap about! Thanks so much for subscribing--hope you are well too!
Thank you!!