I can relate. I entered Waldorf education as a teacher believing I was going to be part of something more spiritual and meaningful, but the school I ended up at, turned out to be quite dysfunctional and hypercritical to Steiner's pedagogy. That being said, it was a time of great personal growth because I was forced to deal with getting fired from such a place.
I also attribute self-development to being an overall happier, better person, which it seems you can too, with your experiences at the center. This reminds me that often our "teachers" are not who we want them to be, but we can still try to rise above them and the experiences. Thanks, Sara.
Sounds very similar to my Pentecostal experience, but all the crazy hypocrisy aside- it was still an amazing, loving experience. Despite the leadership and because of the people 😍. We are mostly good, we just have to keep reminding ourselves
The part where the younger self said "what have I become" ... yes that resonates. I was a Rigpa monk for 14+ years but mostly used as cheap labour. I was someone who outed the leader and kicked of the pinnacle of scandal. After I finally really got away my inner child kept me away and took over - it was quite extreme. So I'm always trying to square with that cynical child and it's natural wisdom versus the forced culty version of wisdom. That is how in a forum i saw this post referenced. I have my "Virtuality" substack you might find interesting. I also found peace but over time the teachings just seemed less and less valid and they were pushing people harder into ritual, tantra and legends, stories and anything but rational simple training in whatever original Buddha taught - apparently he disliked any ritual so calling Tibetan Buddhism ... Buddhism is pretty rich if you spend enough time trying to trace where it all comes from.
OMG Sara I am so happy that you wrote this up the way u did, bravo! I too worked that kitchen and did food prep at the big house @RMDC a lot. I also stood countless hours as guard (and other silly things) in the kasung ,which was just as boring and unfulfilling as the US Army back in '75. Looking back, WTF! But it all worked out, as it seems it has for you. I came to Nepal on recommendation by the Guru, and I never left. But I did leave Shambhala behind, and I have not looked back (except to talk about it alot). It's almost like another badge of honor or an old scar to tell a story about, being in a cult and getting out alive... or to tell about it as you have so eloquently. Thanks!
Ha, well it just gets stranger and stranger it seems. I was thinking about writing about my experiences more formally as the writer that I am supposed to be, but after researching ChatGPT for a few months now, I think I wrote my last article on just that topic. I hear editors@pubs are going dark across the board. Many of mine have. I guess I gotta start a stack or a medium... but I think I am too old school. I liked my pennies per word when I got them. What to do?
This is such a wonderful, thought-provoking piece, Sara. I have so many conflicted thoughts on my own experience in Buddhist practice (Vipassana not Tibetan). Haven't thought about it in quite a while but I'm re-inspired to (at some point) put it down in writing, if for no other reason than to clarify my thinking. Thank you, thank you! I really do hope we meet irl at some point. : )
I only learned about the effects of trauma in the last several years. I took a course on resolving trauma through chakra work with an independent teacher that was incredibly insightful. It is called Wheels Reinvented by Onami. It took me a few years to process and implement the information I learned and I was not having the experience I thought I should be having, but I can also reflect back on these few years and give myself grace knowing I was doing my best even if it looks like a mess to me now. Only in the last month, I've been shaping the experience I want with more intention and ease. I just launched my own newsletter and I love the routine and focus it brings to my day. I am starting where I feel most comfortable, astrology and human design, but I use these subjects as a medium to encourage my friends, family and fans to level up their own life experiences Almost Daily. :)
Wow what a beautiful piece. I really liked the line, "The world might be run by people with empathy-deficiency problems, but most people aren’t like that."
I've noticed that more in-person meditation groups are starting again. It's been wonderful to join them and still have the option of Zoom groups too. It must have been disheartening to have that experience with a group that generally leads to seeing the good in other humans. It kind of reminded me of last year when a scandal broke about one of my husband's spiritual heroes, Jean Vanier. It seems so common for religious leaders (or leaders in general). It makes you wonder if the qualities that lead to someone achieving a position of power are also associated with these other negative behaviors or if something changes after becoming a leader, including the hierarchy that builds up around the person.
I always remember this wonderful line from Gary Trudeau's mock-doc Tanner 88, when a young reporter is shocked to see a presidential candidate flagrantly engaging in an illicit rendezvous. "Look," the older reporter says tiredly. "We're talking about someone who wants to be the most powerful person on the planet. WE'RE NOT TALKING WELL BALANCED." II'm paraphrasing, but you get the gist)
In 2015, I attended a leadership intensive in the Puget Sound area run by what had been the Authentic Leadership in Action Institute in Nova Scotia, but which had just become the Authentic Leadership Center at Naropa University. Following the scandal, the center closed, and these leadership intensives were no more. Fortunately, a few of the attendees had started monthly meetings in Seattle and Olympia. The island where I live a is little too far away for evening meetings on the mainland, but when the pandemic hit and the meetings moved to zoom, I was able to join.
The workshop in 2015, and the monthly meetings since I reconnected have been life changing. I feel fortunate to be able to try every day to live a life in accordance with my values. It seems that the forces of greed, ignorance, and hatred will never leave us, but neither will the compassion and decency of most people.
Thank you so much, Amy! This post has lost me some subscribers, as I kind of knew it would, but I really am still struggling to figure out what to make of that experience. So it's really really nice to hear that!
Really!? I’m surprised. Unless they are more extreme (if that is the right word) members of Shambala or a similar group. I know I am overwhelmed with all my notifications etc and have been on a bit of an “unsubscribe me” kick and that often happens when something new is posted and I get a notification. Maybe that’s it?
I might have spoken too soon! It seemed like that was happening but for a bit but now it seems like they are back--or different people subscribed. But yeah, that happens. I know inboxes can get crowded!
I can relate. I entered Waldorf education as a teacher believing I was going to be part of something more spiritual and meaningful, but the school I ended up at, turned out to be quite dysfunctional and hypercritical to Steiner's pedagogy. That being said, it was a time of great personal growth because I was forced to deal with getting fired from such a place.
I also attribute self-development to being an overall happier, better person, which it seems you can too, with your experiences at the center. This reminds me that often our "teachers" are not who we want them to be, but we can still try to rise above them and the experiences. Thanks, Sara.
Thanks, Lani! That's so, sometimes we go into something expecting one experience and then get something totally different but it can still be useful!
So true.
This is a helpful perspective. As a non- affiliated practitioner I was more disappointed in Pema. Thanks for writing.
Yeah, that part is hard. But she did retire from the organization after this went down, though she must have known ...
Sounds very similar to my Pentecostal experience, but all the crazy hypocrisy aside- it was still an amazing, loving experience. Despite the leadership and because of the people 😍. We are mostly good, we just have to keep reminding ourselves
Yes, I think this is similar to a lot of religions or religious-adjacent organizations.
The part where the younger self said "what have I become" ... yes that resonates. I was a Rigpa monk for 14+ years but mostly used as cheap labour. I was someone who outed the leader and kicked of the pinnacle of scandal. After I finally really got away my inner child kept me away and took over - it was quite extreme. So I'm always trying to square with that cynical child and it's natural wisdom versus the forced culty version of wisdom. That is how in a forum i saw this post referenced. I have my "Virtuality" substack you might find interesting. I also found peace but over time the teachings just seemed less and less valid and they were pushing people harder into ritual, tantra and legends, stories and anything but rational simple training in whatever original Buddha taught - apparently he disliked any ritual so calling Tibetan Buddhism ... Buddhism is pretty rich if you spend enough time trying to trace where it all comes from.
Thank for writing, Michael. Glad you got to the other side! It has been a journey for so many of us.
OMG Sara I am so happy that you wrote this up the way u did, bravo! I too worked that kitchen and did food prep at the big house @RMDC a lot. I also stood countless hours as guard (and other silly things) in the kasung ,which was just as boring and unfulfilling as the US Army back in '75. Looking back, WTF! But it all worked out, as it seems it has for you. I came to Nepal on recommendation by the Guru, and I never left. But I did leave Shambhala behind, and I have not looked back (except to talk about it alot). It's almost like another badge of honor or an old scar to tell a story about, being in a cult and getting out alive... or to tell about it as you have so eloquently. Thanks!
Thank you, so glad to hear from another person who experienced the organization! So much good stuff AND so much weirdness ...
Ha, well it just gets stranger and stranger it seems. I was thinking about writing about my experiences more formally as the writer that I am supposed to be, but after researching ChatGPT for a few months now, I think I wrote my last article on just that topic. I hear editors@pubs are going dark across the board. Many of mine have. I guess I gotta start a stack or a medium... but I think I am too old school. I liked my pennies per word when I got them. What to do?
Terrific piece.
Thank you!
This is such a wonderful, thought-provoking piece, Sara. I have so many conflicted thoughts on my own experience in Buddhist practice (Vipassana not Tibetan). Haven't thought about it in quite a while but I'm re-inspired to (at some point) put it down in writing, if for no other reason than to clarify my thinking. Thank you, thank you! I really do hope we meet irl at some point. : )
Amy! I 'm sorry I missed this comment! I would love to read something by you about this! And yes, I hope we meet IRL too soon!
I only learned about the effects of trauma in the last several years. I took a course on resolving trauma through chakra work with an independent teacher that was incredibly insightful. It is called Wheels Reinvented by Onami. It took me a few years to process and implement the information I learned and I was not having the experience I thought I should be having, but I can also reflect back on these few years and give myself grace knowing I was doing my best even if it looks like a mess to me now. Only in the last month, I've been shaping the experience I want with more intention and ease. I just launched my own newsletter and I love the routine and focus it brings to my day. I am starting where I feel most comfortable, astrology and human design, but I use these subjects as a medium to encourage my friends, family and fans to level up their own life experiences Almost Daily. :)
Thank you for sharing, that Megan. It sounds like you are in a good place!
Wow what a beautiful piece. I really liked the line, "The world might be run by people with empathy-deficiency problems, but most people aren’t like that."
I've noticed that more in-person meditation groups are starting again. It's been wonderful to join them and still have the option of Zoom groups too. It must have been disheartening to have that experience with a group that generally leads to seeing the good in other humans. It kind of reminded me of last year when a scandal broke about one of my husband's spiritual heroes, Jean Vanier. It seems so common for religious leaders (or leaders in general). It makes you wonder if the qualities that lead to someone achieving a position of power are also associated with these other negative behaviors or if something changes after becoming a leader, including the hierarchy that builds up around the person.
I always remember this wonderful line from Gary Trudeau's mock-doc Tanner 88, when a young reporter is shocked to see a presidential candidate flagrantly engaging in an illicit rendezvous. "Look," the older reporter says tiredly. "We're talking about someone who wants to be the most powerful person on the planet. WE'RE NOT TALKING WELL BALANCED." II'm paraphrasing, but you get the gist)
thank you! And yes, I have often wondered the same thing about what compels a person to lead such a group.
In 2015, I attended a leadership intensive in the Puget Sound area run by what had been the Authentic Leadership in Action Institute in Nova Scotia, but which had just become the Authentic Leadership Center at Naropa University. Following the scandal, the center closed, and these leadership intensives were no more. Fortunately, a few of the attendees had started monthly meetings in Seattle and Olympia. The island where I live a is little too far away for evening meetings on the mainland, but when the pandemic hit and the meetings moved to zoom, I was able to join.
The workshop in 2015, and the monthly meetings since I reconnected have been life changing. I feel fortunate to be able to try every day to live a life in accordance with my values. It seems that the forces of greed, ignorance, and hatred will never leave us, but neither will the compassion and decency of most people.
It's good to meet a fellow traveler.
Thank you for sharing that, John! I met so many wonderful people in Shambhala, most were just folks trying to sort stuff out and be a good person.
Reading your stuff always makes me feel better. Your experience with Shambala and reaction to it rings very true. I’m so glad you are still writing!
Thank you so much, Amy! This post has lost me some subscribers, as I kind of knew it would, but I really am still struggling to figure out what to make of that experience. So it's really really nice to hear that!
Really!? I’m surprised. Unless they are more extreme (if that is the right word) members of Shambala or a similar group. I know I am overwhelmed with all my notifications etc and have been on a bit of an “unsubscribe me” kick and that often happens when something new is posted and I get a notification. Maybe that’s it?
I might have spoken too soon! It seemed like that was happening but for a bit but now it seems like they are back--or different people subscribed. But yeah, that happens. I know inboxes can get crowded!
Enjoying your writing and observations.
Thank you, Rebecca!